Sunday, January 20, 2008


Not much happened today. I lost a coinflip with a flush draw and overcards, but apart from that, the session was pretty uneventful. Therefore, I shall treat you to some chat that I enjoyed the other day. I never insult people, but I have to admit that I love to wind them up sometimes, and this guy was ripe for the picking. I think he was schizophrenic though...

We begin proceedings with a slight bout of fibitus.

Billy Liar: grrrrrrrr
Naughty Beagle: ?
Billy Liar: joke
Jekyll: jj
Naughty Beagle: u?
Billy Liar: yes
Naughty Beagle: I don’t believe u
Billy Liar: i showed
Billy Liar: oh no i didnt
Billy Liar: nvm
Billy Liar: im lieing yes
Naughty Beagle: u had a-j
Billy Liar: nope
Billy Liar: ridiculous
Naughty Beagle: But it says in the hand history u had a-j
Billy Liar: nope jj

"You won't like me when I'm angry," claims Billy Liar as his stack shortens. Ignoring his threat, I clean BIlly out a few hands later. "Roaaaaaaaar!" Billy's eyes turn green, his muscles start to expand, his clothes tear (although his pants, somehow, remain a perfect fit) and his skin turns a rich shade of green. Meanwhile, the Beagle stands firm and continues to wind up his opponent as if he hadn't changed into a big scary monster at all. The Beagle is clearly fearless.

Naughty Beagle: gg
Incredible Hulk: i raise to 16
Incredible Hulk: and u call with 86 v ten ten
Incredible Hulk: and hit the str8
Incredible Hulk: yeh good that
Naughty Beagle: I had to call
Incredible Hulk: why did u have 2 call
Naughty Beagle: cos i had straight
Incredible Hulk: u had 86 preflop
Incredible Hulk: absolute joke to call wiv that and hit the str8
Incredible Hulk: when i flop a set
Naughty Beagle: but i had to call with straight
Naughty Beagle: can't fold on that flop
Incredible Hulk: obviously
Incredible Hulk: i mean preflop dickwod
Naughty Beagle: oh - i had good feeling
Naughty Beagle: i was right too!
Incredible Hulk: bye anyway
Incredible Hulk: poor player
Naughty Beagle: Come back
Naughty Beagle: Baby come back
Naughty Beagle: With my colour TV
Naughty Beagle: and my CD collection of Bob Marley

After a brief hiatus, the big green monster returns under a different guise, this time the world's most gullible person... ever, say that woman from a classic Beadle's About who thought an alien had landed in her back garden and then proceeded to offer it a cup of tea.

The Beagle takes his time before calling with the nuts... well, it was actually about the tenth nuts. The Tea Lady is offended by her opponent taking more than two seconds to make the call and voices her concerns.

Tea Lady: easy call
Tea Lady: duno y u took ur time
Naughty Beagle: it's not easy
Tea Lady: instant call from me

The Beagle takes the opportunity to make the Tea Lady feel guilty for her impatience and claims to be fingerly challenged.

Naughty Beagle: no, i mean i only have two fingers
Tea Lady: k
Naughty Beagle: you full fingered players don't realise how lucky you are
Tea Lady: ur right
Naughty Beagle: mouse slipped and it was hard to get it back in place
Naughty Beagle: apologies for any delay

Somehow he falls for this bizarre fabrication and suddenly becomes all nicey nicey. Everyone knows you have to be nice to the handicapped. Even the smilies comes out for those lacking all their pointers.

Beagle’s New Best Friend: oh ok
Beagle’s New Best Friend: np
Beagle’s New Best Friend: np
Beagle’s New Best Friend: sry
Beagle’s New Best Friend: aslong as u get timed out with aa and kk
Beagle’s New Best Friend: im happy ☺
Naughty Beagle: i'd use my toes then
Beagle’s New Best Friend: haha
Naughty Beagle: i have ten of them
Beagle’s New Best Friend: 10 on each foot?
Naughty Beagle: no, combined, 10 on each would be wierd
Beagle’s New Best Friend: LOL
Beagle’s New Best Friend: nh
Naughty Beagle: ty
Beagle’s New Best Friend: nh
Naughty Beagle: ty - u r very kind
Naughty Beagle: politer than this guy i played earlier

The Beagle's New Best Friend doesn't seem to realise that I am referring to our earlier encounter when he moaned about my play. Has he forgotten me already? I thought we were buddies. Sob.

Tea Lady: u mean coz im giving u my money?
Tea Lady: lol
Naughty Beagle: no, i have great admiraiton for those who play with manners
Naughty Beagle: nh
Tea Lady: yeh

The Naughty Beagle teases a little more, the Tea Lady continues to drink from her cup of blissful ignorance.

Tea Lady: aj
Naughty Beagle: a-2
Tea Lady: chance 4 a split pot tho
Naughty Beagle: i don't like to share
Tea Lady: lol
Tea Lady: qq always aa and kk on flop
Naughty Beagle: only 3 cards on flop tho
Naughty Beagle: aakk is 4
Tea Lady: i mean an ace and a king
Tea Lady: any bet from u and i fold
Naughty Beagle: oh, yes, always happens, about 100% of the time
Tea Lady: yeh

Everything is going swimmingly, but as soon as I wipe him out for all he has, Mr Nice Guy is shown the door, and in storm a couple of familiar faces.


Incredible Hulk: typical
Incredible Hulk: lmao
Incredible Hulk: do u ever not hit?
Naughty Beagle: i think it's karma for my fingers
Naughty Beagle: or lack of
Incredible Hulk: lmao
Incredible Hulk: thats ridiclous
Incredible Hulk: unreal
Incredible Hulk: nice raise
Naughty Beagle: ty
Incredible Hulk: lmao
Incredible Hulk: hilarious
Naughty Beagle: u have me beat?
Incredible Hulk: b4 the queen
Naughty Beagle: what u have?

Yep, here he comes the little rascal...

Billy Liar: 99
Billy Liar: absolute joke
Naughty Beagle: but the hand history says u had 7 high
Naughty Beagle: 7-5 it says
Naughty Beagle: I just checked
Naughty Beagle: r u sure u had 9-9?
Naughty Beagle: i think the computer must have made a typo
Billy Liar: yeh
Billy Liar: lmao
Naughty Beagle: gg
Billy Liar: obvious ud win the 5050
Naughty Beagle: finger karma

So, beware folks. I can't confirm his name or what he looks like, all I know is that he dons four faces. Actually, it's easy, if anyone tells lies and goes green with fury before becoming your new best friend and offering you a cup of tea, then he's your man. If in doubt, fabricate a disability, he has a particular soft spot for finger shortage.

biggest pot won: $368
biggest pot lost: $204.80
time at the table: 2hr 9min

profit = $368.60
blonde poker account = $4,750.79
$249.21 to go before the tax man goes away

Days played = 16
total time played = 53 hrs 24 mins
total rake earned = $860.85
current $ per hour = $64.62
current $ per day = $215.67


At 10:24 AM, Blogger Amatay said...

ahahahahaha love the rendition of Pato Banton and UB40. Genius!

At 1:25 PM, Blogger snoopy1239 said...

I wonder if he ever got his TV back?


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