Friday, January 18, 2008


Gosh, I don't think I've ever posted two blog entries in one day, but I've got to write this now so it isn't looming over me tomorrow. I knew it was going to happen, I could feel it my bones, and yes, variance did eventually catch up with me. It's not quite my biggest loss so far, but it's mighty close. Like yesterday, I just couldn't get going, every move I made was the wrong one and every player I came up against was a capable opponent. I did my very best to avoid tilt, skip the sharks and take breaks. I even moved around the flat to keep things fresh, but it just didn't work. Sometimes the Poker Gods just aren't on your side and you have to do what you can to minimise the loss.

It all started off so badly, top set over second set, I sensed I was in trouble but couldn't possibly fold. Then I pushed this guy in with A-K and he made a suspect call with Nines, but I've won a couple of coinflips lately, so I guess that was karma. It's the nature of the beast, but I simply can't help but feel down. I don't think I could ever have been a full time online player, the life can be so oppressive, lonely and demoralising that it would eventually send me into a pit of depression.

If you're reading this and thinking "Ah, never mind, he'll get it back", then that's all well and good, I'm a determined person, but this is real stuff to me. It's the difference between playing say the GJP deepstack tournament or the Walsall GUKPT and staying at home. If I continue to slide down the slippery slope, it also makes paying the tax man difficult. This isn't a blog about a high roller fucking around with a silly challenge a la Jesus Ferguson, it's about some dude trying to grind out his bills and play a few comps. Roy Brindley used to be limited to eating a can of beans a day and relying on poker for the rent, I'm admittedly nowhere near that level, but poker is still my rent, and this challenge is therefore of the utmost importance to me. Luckily, Roy didn't live in Hampstead.

I think my fitness is letting me down. I'm not enjoying playing that much and I just don't feel good. With that in mind, I ticked off a load of my todos in double quick time before heading out for a late night run. Yes, I set off too quickly, picked up a stitch and nearly died, but I felt great, and had forgotten what it felt like to inhale fresh air. When I'm winning, everything's great, but when I run bad, I let my physical condition slip, which subsequently effects my mental astuteness. I rose at 1pm today, which isn't bad considering I went to bed at 6.30am, but I want to see more daylight so will be aiming for 11am tomorrow. I'll also make sure I grab lunch in town rather than being confined to the flat. Staying in the flat for the whole day is fucking up my game, I really think it's that important. I just wish I was one of these guys who could play well even if they're feeling like shit, unfortunately that's not the case.

Tomorrow is a really important day for me...

biggest pot won: $443
biggest pot lost: $552.00
time at the table: 6hr 18min

profit = -$1,135.24
blonde poker account = $3,412.80
$1,587.20 to go before the tax man goes away

Days played = 14
total time played = 49 hrs 51 mins
total rake earned = $860.85
current $ per hour = $42.38
current $ per day = $150.91


At 10:54 PM, Blogger Tam said...

Sorry to hear about your day.
It's good to let it all out the way you have done, exorcise those demons.

Now it's time to stop feeling so self indulgent and sorry for yourself though. Count your blessings or something, and get your head right before you go back.

Make sure all the emotional baggage of this loss is eradicated. If you lose your first race or two in the next session, you don't want to be screaming at the computer "ARgh, when is it going to stop!!!"

At 4:12 AM, Blogger snoopy1239 said...

Good advice. I'm normally okay at losing the races, what's more likely to make me go "Argh, when is it going to stop" is when some guy beats me up for an hour without me barely winning a pot. At that point you start to ask yoruself, am I being unlucky or just plain crap.

At 10:01 AM, Blogger Amatay said...

Soory to hear about ur losses m8, sounds pretty sick. I can relate to your post abit about the exercise thing. Since i started playing for a living i've made a decent effort to get myself out and about and to get my lazy ass in the gym. It definately sorts your head out mate and i reckon its helped my poker game too.
In regards to Ed Hollis mate, i dunno. I hardly ever speak to him anymore

At 6:56 PM, Blogger Mark said...

That post strikes a chord with me snoops, i go through spells of actually going to the gym abit and making sure i get fresh air etc. It helps my game no end and allows me to put in longer sessions.

At the moment im not doing it and im struggling to play for more than 2 hours without my head feeling like it is going to explode.

At 7:58 PM, Blogger snoopy1239 said...

Hi Mark. Yeah, it's hard to do it when you're losing too, because you just don't feel like it.


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