THE CUKOO'S NEST

Last Wendesday, I thought I’d get myself away from the computer screen and, yes, you guessed it, into the casinos. Low stake rebuy tournaments probably aren’t my most profitable of game choices, but I thought I’d have a go. Some may suggest that the winner’s edge is somehow lessened by the inclusion of nutters and a multiple rebuy option. Never!!

The time was 3pm and I knew Walsall held an afternoon comp to cater for all us bums, so I thought why not, could be fun. I grabbed my keys, switch card, and lucky chip, and opened the front door. ‘Wow! So this is what it’s like outside,’ I said to myself. Big blue sky, bright green grass, folk walking dogs. The great outdoors at last. I couldn’t wait to get into that dark smokey casino.

When I arrived, the place was like a ghost town. Just the odd straggler with nothing better to do than hang out at a Grosvenor. Kinda surreal in a way and it suddenly struck me that I was no longer working. Up til then, it had just felt like a looooooong weekend, but now I realised that this was my life. Poker, poker and more poker. Slightly disconcerting, but what the hell, I love this game!

After a while, Dani was able to conjure up the hefty sum of 26 players. Well, I suppose it beats the 170 I once played against on a Friday night. Maybe the lack of numbers will produce some good poker. My logic was soon dispelled…

1^st hand. How many buy-ins? Six. Yep, six. Seven people had gone all-in with one lad raking in a 7k pot. People often say, ‘I hate to win the first hand’ Well, this fella didn’t seem too disheartened.

The state of play didn’t change. Players moved in with any 2 cards, played blind, and generally went for the bingo approach. The worrying thing was that I was one of them. Ah well, it was only a £10 rebuy. I wasn’t saying that after the 6^th call for Dani.

I only won one hand all night, AK v AJ. Any other hand I played couldn’t hit a cow’s ass with a banjo. Yep, this was a game without any big decisions, no bluffing opportunities, and no real logical thought process. In fact, the more I play these rebuy events, the more I am convinced that it’s just one big lottery. I used to think that there was a decent level of skill involved, but now I’ve come to the conclusion that the skill element is miniscule.

I’d come out to this event to get away from the monitor and play some live poker, and hopefully have some fun. However, if you play a lot of poker, these sorts of games can simply turn into pure frustration and become a real test of patience.

What made it worse was that I was on a table of fruitloops. I had an old lady next to me who didn’t know what day it was. I recall her throwing down pocket queens in disgust when no1 called her flop bet. Did she raise before the flop? No. Was there an overcard on the flop? Yes. There was a king. So what was she moaning about? God knows. I told her that it could have been worse, someone could have had a king. Her reply? ‘Ah, that’s true.’ So basic logic does eventually reach some people. At one point she even refused to take change from a fella who had beaten her in a coin flip situation. Lovely lady, but completely mad.

On my right was a youngish lad, mid-20s. He slammed the table when he won a decent pot. For crying out loud, it’s a Wednesday afternoon £10 rebuy event, not the bloomin World Series. Get a grip!

Opposite me was D ‘Gooooooood Poker’ Sami. He’s just a nutcase fullstop. Really top fella, but completely insane in the membrane. My only wish is that I could understand what he says to me. Too often I have to guess and nod my head. Answering yes is always a safe option until the day they look at you as though you’re the crazy one.

Talking of bizarre people, whilst I was paying my entry, this one fella came up to me and said, ‘Can’t believe what happened to me last night. I had ace king and the guy called with ace three.’ I didn’t know what to say, I just sort of sighed. I’d been in the casino for less than 2 minutes, I hadn’t even payed in and I was already being forced to listen to a bad beat story. Argh!!! It wasn’t even a good one! Does he really think I care? Sometimes I think it may be worth setting up an agency where people have to pay to call you and tell you their bad beat story. I’m certain I’d make a million before the year ended. Oh yeah, I couldn’t resist saying, ‘So, did your ace king hold up?’ What a surprise when the answer came back negative. You wouldn’t believe this, but the opponent hit a 3, on the river!!! Have you ever heard a story like it?! Absolutely incredible turn of events… yawn.

So, what did I learn from my little day out at the looney bin?

Pokers a wonderful game, but it’s full of nutters!!!

I think that’s one of the reasons why I like it so much…