Saturday, January 21, 2006


Hi folks. It’s 1:35 here in Denmark and I thought I’d just take a pitstop to retell some of my experiences and observations over the last couple of days. Today’s play has just this moment wrapped up with Xuyem ‘Bad Girl’ Pham plummeting into 9th position and thereby missing out on tomorrow’s final.

I’ll be honest, I’m bloomin’ shattered. This updating lark is always fun, but when you have to endure 4 consecutive days of hardcore railing, it can become mentally and physically tiring. When you are braced for something earth-shattering, nothing happens. When you sit back for a moment, 10 players get eliminated. You have nothing to report, the connection is fine. You have exciting news to share, the wifi whimpers before tossing in the towel. I love it all, but I can assure anyone who follows those reports that it’s a lot harder than it looks.

But that’s enough about the updating. I’ve overdosed on poker today. There are more important issues at hand. Like the lift for example, I’m really struggling with it. I’m not scared of them or anything, but they provide a really nauseating ride. With around 30 floors to the hotel, the lift goes hurtling up at an incredible pace and, when it reaches your destination, stops very suddenly. Even Jen’s ears popped on one journey.

I’d like to thank the Lord for letting us swindle our way into the free buffet. From what I understand, the press aren’t entitled to the free tucker, but, somehow, we’ve managed to ambush the buffet two days in a row. Tonight I went under the pseudonym of Julian Thew. I almost got sprung when one of the waitresses commented that I was too good looking to be Julian. Very fair point and I would have held my hands up in defeat if I weren’t so keen to get my paws on the lemon meringue. Just kidding Jools… it was in fact cheesecake.

Maybe it’s just this hotel, but Denmark seems to be the most expensive place in the world. On the first night, a Japanese meal between three cost in excess of 50 squid. No starter, no desert, and no pricey beverages. For that price I’d expect them to physically feed me too.

Similarly, Jen payed a whole pound for a single banana. It must have been hand picked that morning from a Caribbean banana tree. I’m just relieved we didn’t order a bunch. Imagine the price of a pineapple!

People here are so good looking. If you’re between 20 and 30, you’re obliged to have a fresh unblemished face with everything in the right place. The women are incredible. They all look the same, but that’s great. I’m not buttering bread on the wrong side or anything, but even the fellas seem to be aesthetically blessed. I’d love to see one walk in with a few spots or something, is that too much to ask? Stephen from the Gutshot team suggested that it was the fresh air. Very possible, but if that’s true, how do you explain the correlation between my perfect looks and smoggy Brum?

This evening was incredibly surreal. Whilst we were working away, a brass band of about 100 young girls in short skirts and white boots waltzed in. A big toot on the trumpet, a firm bash on the drum, and we were off. The noise level just sky-rocketed. They marched around the hotel and I had to pinch myself to make sure that I wasn’t dreaming. It felt like I was on the whacky baccy. One of the girls got lost and was wondering around by us. How you can get lost from a band of 100 is beyond me. She must have taken a wrong turning.

I think all the kafuffle had something to do with the Danish monarchy. From what I overheard, a new Prince had been born. He starts off nameless, so I guess he’s called ‘It’ for the time-being. Anyhow, everyone was here to celebrate his baptism and cheer on the future Danish King. All very bizarre, especially with an EPT poker event being played 20 yards away.

There’s a lot of drunken Danish singing going on tonight. It’s reminiscent of the hotel in Twin Peaks. Coincidentally, I think they were Danish too. Unfortunately, unlike the TV show, I can’t see an Audrey about. Bah.

I’ve been in Copenhagen for 4 days now and all I’ve seen is the inside of one airport and two hotels. My folks will be so proud that I’ve made the effort to see the sights. I need to remember my souvenirs too. My mother requested a Danish pastry, whilst pops asked for some bacon. Golly, would they ask me to bring back a curry back from India?

Righteo, I think I’m going to suggest a bit of online poker with Jen before beddie byes. Hold on, I said earlier that I’d had enough of this poker malarkey. Ah well, I guess the poker bug will never leave me for too long.

Nighty night.


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