THE LESSER OF TWO MUPPETS

This morning I played the most frustrating session I’ve ever encountered. I endured 3 hours of cold cards, quite unable to hit a cow’s backside with a banjo. I don’t think I’ve ever gone so long without doubling up, especially whilst playing 4 tables simultaneously. On top of that, I was cleaned out 3 times. Twice I turned a straight, only to lose to a full house on the river.

The real question is, and I’ve learnt this the hard way, did I play well or not. The answer has to be ‘no’. I ended up losing around $350, but it should have been closer to a $100. I made what I refer to as a few crying calls when I knew I was behind. However, the important thing is that I recognised that these faux pas were creeping into my game and was able to swat them straight away. This, I conclude, has to be a big plus point.

$350 is a lot of money to lose in a few hours, but I’m not downhearted. I won over $500 yesterday, so I can’t moan. I try to think positively. Over the last 2 days, I’m $200 up. That’s $100 per day for around 5 hours play. At the start of those two days, I would have happily accepted that profit. If I win $100 on every day of the month, then I’m earning $3000, which isn’t a bad wage. True, it’s painful when all your efforts of the previous session are washed away, but that’s the game for you. It’s sometimes kind before it’s cruel.

Anyhow, I’m not writing today to drone on about my bad beats and painful losses. I thought I’d bring up something slightly more interesting. Yep, the muppet. You’ve all come across them, but how often do you find a muppet moaning at a muppet? Probably more frequently than you might think.

The following chat occurred in a ring game I played recently. It made me chuckle and I couldn’t help but comment. If you are adverse to a bit of swearing, please look away now.

koolmia420: seriously?
snoopy1239: what?
koolmia420: go fu.ck yourself you dumbXXXX
koolmia420: are you seriously that dumb?
koolmia420: marchare you idiot
koolmia420: you are the dumbest person ever
snoopy1239: why r u saying that?
koolmia420: you lack any semblace of a human brain
koolmia420: he called 30 with j 6
koolmia420: fuc king dope sh it
snoopy1239: and u're telling him it was a bad move?
koolmia420: yes
snoopy1239: surely that makes u the dumb one
snoopy1239: would u rather he called u with good cards only?
marchare19: its called having balls , u dxxkhead
koolmia420: how raising with a good hand and getting called by a retard
snoopy1239: don't bite the hands that feeds u m8
marchare19: ive got u marked koolmia
koolmia420: ok fag
koolmia420: mark this
snoopy1239: u're on his hitlist
snoopy1239: this guy DOES have balls
marchare19: have a go you weak dog koolmia
koolmia420: marchare sucks
marchare19: but u swallow
koolmia420: that was clever
koolmia420: moron motherfu cker
koolmia420: fu ck you
koolmia420: bluffer
koolmia420: try me
koolmia420: hahahahaha
koolmia420: played you out
marchare19: lol
koolmia420: fuc king feel embarassed for the kid

It’s true, marchare was the biggest fish I’d seen all week. He was playing all sorts of garbage and refusing to release any sniff of a hand. He’d just doubled through and I was waiting patiently to make some kind of solid holding so I could take him for all he had. I had dollar signs for eyes.

Then, all this chat appeared. What happened next? Marchare left. Great!

Bah, what a croc! What a waste my ‘You have big grapefruits sir’ line was. I was so hoping he’d stick around. I could just sense he was about to scarper.

This koolmia isn’t a bad player either, but what the hell is he doing driving away the fish? Complete madness. I just can’t understand why people continue to do this, it drives me round the bend. What a burk.

Who’s more muppety? The muppet or the muppet muppetising the muppet for his muppetry? (Hmm – isn’t that a line from Star Wars?)

The funny thing is that when he left, someone said…

‘Thank God he’s gone. Complete muppet.’

Argh!!! Now’s there’s three of them. I’m surrounded! Get me out of here!!!

Sheesh, does that make me a muppet now?

It must be catching...