DAZED AND CONFUSED

I'm just about to go to bed, but I've been up for about 28 hours straight.

I think I broke my record, well... smashed it to smithereens - I played online for 20 consecutive hours, no idea why.

This week I put 3k in blondepokerleague, Party Poker and Poker Stars. I broke even on blonde, lost 700 on Party (although I was 1,500 up at one point) and dumped 2.3k on Stars.

I reckon if I had taken breaks, played sensibly and remained focused, that figure wouldn't have even been a negative.

Ah well, you live and learn. 3k is a lot for me, but for some reason I'm not too down. I should be though, it's been one of my worst fortnights for a long time. Started just after the Gutshot when I started getting man flu. I took that into the Grand Prix and it affected me, I didn't feel like I could give it my 'A' game and, as a result, I fecked it up with some decisions that I would never have made if I was thinking straight.

Then, after the disappointment of the Grand Prix, I preceded to lose that 3k, which demoralised me gradually as the days went by. I'm hardly eating, I haven't been outside for about a week and I've lost the motivation to really care about anything.

However, I have enough wits about me to know that this isn't a bad thing. Sometime you need to hit rock bottom before you can come back twice as strong, and that's exactly what I'll do.

So, no poker for me. I'm not going to play live until the Walsall festival where I'll check my finances. If I do play online, I'll be dropping down a level. I'm not mentally healthy enough at the moment to deal with the fluctuations, so until I sort that out, I'll be playing at $1/2. Hopefully I can improve my game in the process too.

The problem I have is that if I ever want to take a break from poker, I can't. My editing and updating duties revolve solely around poker, so it's just not something I can really have a sabbatical from.

But, until I am fit and healthy again, sleeping well, eating 3 meals and generally feeling good about things, I'm going to try not play. It's difficult, because to maintain my bankroll I need to play, but at the moment, I'm losing, so I'm going to have to just take it on the chin and spend less dosh for a few weeks. My bankroll might drop a little, but I guess that's another reason for temporarily dropping down a level.

This ban has caught me off guard too. I had it easy before, but now it's not quite as straight forward. The Party Poker bread and butter have left me and I'm finding it hard to adjust my game to the new players on blonde and Stars. There are fewer on blonde, so table selection isn't as good and people are able to detect playing pattens on me. Meanwhile, on Stars, I find the players to be of a higher standard, making well timed moves and check-raising rivers. I'm not used to this type of flair, and it's costing me money.

But, I'm going to take it as part of the learning process. I haven't played well today, so it's too early to say if I can still make a healthy living from the game. I think I could grind it out, but I've got a girlfriend and spending several hours online every days just doesn't go down well. Similarly, I can't really play live regularly for the same sort of reasons, although I would love to and reckon I could earn buck or two.

Anyhow, I'd better get forty winks before I faint. Dublin on Wednesday ready for the EPT, should be fun. Hopefully I'll be in a good mood by then because updating's no fun when you're not quite yourself...

Nighty night!