THE LEGEND OF THE POKER TRANSLATOR
To all my readers, hello to the both of you.
Before I say anything, my apologies. It's been over a week since my last entry and the last thing I wanted for this blog was to see it start stalling. I've just endured a heavy ten days, firstly in Cardiff, and then Deuaville for the French Open. It was a tiring, but exciting week and a half, so I feel obliged to write a brief encount of my experiences and post something up in here.
Bottom line... watch this space.
For now, here's something I wrote a while ago. It rang a bell recently when I was chatting with a good friend of mine about the fibbing that goes on in casinos. If you dig deep enough, you'll find that the cardroom is floating on a sea of lies. Whether it's your best bud or your worst enemy, you'll hear them lying through their teeth at some point or another. "Good fold there. I had you dominated," "I had an ace", "I almost called", etc, etc. You get the idea.
The Legend of the Poker Translator:
A few months ago at the Gala, I was sitting at the bar when a mysterious cloaked man approached me.
'Wanna be amazed?' he asked quietly. He held out his hand to reveal a small gadget resting in his palm. 'This is the Poker Translator,' he proclaimed, 'and it will translate any gibberish that comes out of your opponents' mouths.'
'Poppycock!' I exclaimed.
The man looked at me menacingly. 'I urge you to give it a go. You will not be dissatisfied.'
After initially brushing him aside as nothing more than a madman, I succumbed to the man's persuasive nature and decided to pop in one of the earpieces. He directed me towards a couple of old geezers emerged in conversation, and this is what I heard:
Old Geezer #1: 'How's your luck been recently?'
Old Geezer #2: 'My luck has been fine, it's my play that's been dismal. I'm an incredibly poor player who has been in denial for the last 40 years.'
Old Geezer #1: 'Me too. Admittedly, I get the odd bad beat, but no more than anyone else.'
Old Geezer #2: 'I had aces cracked last night.'
Old Geezer #1: 'Oh that is unlucky.'
Old Geezer #2: 'Not particularly. I slowplayed them and got caught with my pants down. I deserved everything I got.'
I'd heard enough. I removed the ear-piece and dipped into my wallet. However, to my surprise, the man had mysteriously vanished, leaving his poker translator behind.
At this point, I decided to set out on a field trip, visiting various poker casinos and trying to find out what my new found possession could do. Looking forward to what secrets I might unearth, I embarked on a voyage of poker discovery. These are some of my most frequent findings:
1. You were ahead anyway. = I had the best hand but I'm too ashamed to admit that I was outplayed and bluffed off the pot.
2. I had to call. = I didn't have to call at all and should have folded.
3.I know I'm behind but... = I haven't got a clue where I stand, but I don't like folding, so...
4. I was pot committed. = I can't find any other excuse for making that shoddy call.
5. Sorry. = I'm glad I won and I hope I take more of your lovely chips in the future.
6. I broke even for the day. = I'm down for the day.
7. I'm up for the day. = I broke even for the day.
8. I'm a few quid down for the day. = I've just lost my house, car, wife and the shirt off my back.
9. I'll pay you back when I can. = I'll put you in my will.
10. I had a read on him. = I guessed and got lucky. I couldn?t read a book.
11. Shall we do a saver for 11th? = Please have mercy. I'm in 11th position and have had 10 rebuys.
12. Good fold. = Thank God you folded.
13. Sorry, I didn't realise the blinds had gone up. = Darn, I thought no-one had noticed that the blinds had gone up.
14. Good luck all. = I hope you all suffer a horrific run of cards.
15. I'll let you have it this time. = I had no intention of calling and you'll probably be able to take the pot off me again next time.
16. Just one more hand. = I'll finish when the casino kicks me out.
17. New deck, please. = I am on a bad run and my last hope is that the cardroom manager brings over a magic deck that deals me the nuts every hand.
18. I'll be back as soon as I exit the comp, love. = If I go out early, I'm either heading straight to the cash game, or straight to the bar.
19. I'm quitting poker! = Same time tomorrow, boys?
20. Tikay: Im in my 40s
At this point the poker translator just went crazy, caught fire and exploded. Just one too many lies I guess.
Has anyone else come across this gadget? What giblets of information did you find?
By the way, the mysterious man looked a little like Julian Thew. Hmm. Would explain his quiet demeanour at the table and how he always manages to get our chips.
Before I say anything, my apologies. It's been over a week since my last entry and the last thing I wanted for this blog was to see it start stalling. I've just endured a heavy ten days, firstly in Cardiff, and then Deuaville for the French Open. It was a tiring, but exciting week and a half, so I feel obliged to write a brief encount of my experiences and post something up in here.
Bottom line... watch this space.
For now, here's something I wrote a while ago. It rang a bell recently when I was chatting with a good friend of mine about the fibbing that goes on in casinos. If you dig deep enough, you'll find that the cardroom is floating on a sea of lies. Whether it's your best bud or your worst enemy, you'll hear them lying through their teeth at some point or another. "Good fold there. I had you dominated," "I had an ace", "I almost called", etc, etc. You get the idea.
The Legend of the Poker Translator:
A few months ago at the Gala, I was sitting at the bar when a mysterious cloaked man approached me.
'Wanna be amazed?' he asked quietly. He held out his hand to reveal a small gadget resting in his palm. 'This is the Poker Translator,' he proclaimed, 'and it will translate any gibberish that comes out of your opponents' mouths.'
'Poppycock!' I exclaimed.
The man looked at me menacingly. 'I urge you to give it a go. You will not be dissatisfied.'
After initially brushing him aside as nothing more than a madman, I succumbed to the man's persuasive nature and decided to pop in one of the earpieces. He directed me towards a couple of old geezers emerged in conversation, and this is what I heard:
Old Geezer #1: 'How's your luck been recently?'
Old Geezer #2: 'My luck has been fine, it's my play that's been dismal. I'm an incredibly poor player who has been in denial for the last 40 years.'
Old Geezer #1: 'Me too. Admittedly, I get the odd bad beat, but no more than anyone else.'
Old Geezer #2: 'I had aces cracked last night.'
Old Geezer #1: 'Oh that is unlucky.'
Old Geezer #2: 'Not particularly. I slowplayed them and got caught with my pants down. I deserved everything I got.'
I'd heard enough. I removed the ear-piece and dipped into my wallet. However, to my surprise, the man had mysteriously vanished, leaving his poker translator behind.
At this point, I decided to set out on a field trip, visiting various poker casinos and trying to find out what my new found possession could do. Looking forward to what secrets I might unearth, I embarked on a voyage of poker discovery. These are some of my most frequent findings:
1. You were ahead anyway. = I had the best hand but I'm too ashamed to admit that I was outplayed and bluffed off the pot.
2. I had to call. = I didn't have to call at all and should have folded.
3.I know I'm behind but... = I haven't got a clue where I stand, but I don't like folding, so...
4. I was pot committed. = I can't find any other excuse for making that shoddy call.
5. Sorry. = I'm glad I won and I hope I take more of your lovely chips in the future.
6. I broke even for the day. = I'm down for the day.
7. I'm up for the day. = I broke even for the day.
8. I'm a few quid down for the day. = I've just lost my house, car, wife and the shirt off my back.
9. I'll pay you back when I can. = I'll put you in my will.
10. I had a read on him. = I guessed and got lucky. I couldn?t read a book.
11. Shall we do a saver for 11th? = Please have mercy. I'm in 11th position and have had 10 rebuys.
12. Good fold. = Thank God you folded.
13. Sorry, I didn't realise the blinds had gone up. = Darn, I thought no-one had noticed that the blinds had gone up.
14. Good luck all. = I hope you all suffer a horrific run of cards.
15. I'll let you have it this time. = I had no intention of calling and you'll probably be able to take the pot off me again next time.
16. Just one more hand. = I'll finish when the casino kicks me out.
17. New deck, please. = I am on a bad run and my last hope is that the cardroom manager brings over a magic deck that deals me the nuts every hand.
18. I'll be back as soon as I exit the comp, love. = If I go out early, I'm either heading straight to the cash game, or straight to the bar.
19. I'm quitting poker! = Same time tomorrow, boys?
20. Tikay: Im in my 40s
At this point the poker translator just went crazy, caught fire and exploded. Just one too many lies I guess.
Has anyone else come across this gadget? What giblets of information did you find?
By the way, the mysterious man looked a little like Julian Thew. Hmm. Would explain his quiet demeanour at the table and how he always manages to get our chips.
posted by snoopy1239 @ 11:21 AM
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1 Comments:
;~)
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